Love.

just sweet, pure love... all day. Thought's of gentle, careful, kindness. Hearts handeled with kid gloves.

stuff and things...

Hello out there. It's me. The textual me. The representation of that Michelle lady in cyberspace. In this box on this screen where I can take all these words I have learned to think with over all these years and scramble them up and put them in funny combinations that maybe, perhaps, just might strike a familiar chord in you... light up some long forgotten journal entry in your heart. Hello. Thanks for reading, which allows me access to your insides. You should know that I love you. I will not judge or misconstrue... only love you and share. Let's play "add things to each other's worlds" (it's fun)... It goes like this: first, you think of someone, anyone, or pick a stranger, then you think of a cool way to touch their life in a beautiful, special, different sort of way (that's the tricky part), then you do it and keep it to yourself. I'll start... there. I loved you with all of my heart. Now, it's your turn.

something...

just a note (yes, at about one in the morning) to tell you where I'm at. My head is a swirly whirl of kind, caring gentleness and a little dust. Ghosts of christmass past dancing with the girl who's always in there. Everywhere. Lot's of Bonnie 'Prince' Billy in there these days... and nights. Right now, in fact, on in the background..."may it always be" Don't know if it's his crackly words that resonate so much as the longing in his voice. Tonight I'll fall asleep with love and profound peace in my heart. That much I know. Wishing you the same...

In my life...

There are places I'll remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends, I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life, I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I'll love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life, I'll love you more 


-John Lennon

Free to change... and grateful!

So, as you can see by the date of that last post, this project has been just a bit of a roadblock. I love, love, love the relationships of this life of mine, and while I do feel that describing them, these people, is really what my heart is about, it isn't making me type. I need to type. The type that needs to type. So, without further ado... WoooHOOO... I'm typing, and it feels so good. I am grateful for brainstorms and ideas that hit so hard you have to get up out of bed at night to write them down before they leave you. Muses that are so seductive you are helpless against their song. Also, though, I am grateful that you can just stop when it isn't working anymore, do something different with equal fervor. I am officially in love with this life. A huge part of it, for me, is about making lists of everyone I care about, even lists of everyone I've ever known (have you ever tried to do this?), and thinking of all of them often and deeply. And while I'll still, once in a while, dedicate a day, a page, a post, to one or some of them, I will also, sometimes, to save my soul, just type.

My sister, Sarah

I was lucky enough to be born with a built-in best friend. Sarah is eighteen months and eighteen days older than me and has inspired me from birth. She made me want to get up and walk and talk and do all the things that she did when we were young. All the way up until about when we went to different schools (around 4th grade for me and junior high for her) I followed her around and was constantly referred to as "Sarahs little sister" (one of the greatest nicknames to be bestowed). Then we went in different directions and it wasn't until about 1995 that I moved over to her high school and was once again "Sarahs little sister" (and loved it). We were best friends again. We went to parties and shows together all the time and I will always remember that year as being one of the best in my life. She was the most amazing, beautiful set of contradictions... Punk rock head cheerleader who saw live bands and got straight A's. She went on to college and we both started our relationship roller coaster years. Though we are on different tracks, she still amazes me often. We have both, since, married and had a baby each. Having always being the one to look after all the littler kids, she is an excellent mother... She kind of always has been, though her baby boy is only three weeks old today. She is magical, whimsical, and loving. She writes the best letters a girl could hope to receive and she does it often and for no reason other than to show you she's thinking of you. She is a gift.

Esau Gibson Martinez

Esau was born May 4th, 2010 at 11:32 pm... weighing 8 pounds, 9.9 ounces. Big, healthy and amazing. My sister Sarah labored for almost two days. My mom, Chloe and I had plane tickets to go see her wednesday the fifth, but when we got the text on Monday that her water broke and she had been admitted, we hopped on the first plane out of Long Beach and got there to the hospital around 8pm that very night. She labored throughout the night and all the next day. We kept hope and kept seeing little signs he was getting closer... finally around 11pm Tuesday they said they were taking her in for a c-section. We waited with baited breath. Eventually, around 12:15 cinco de mayo Marty (his papa, her husband, my brother in law) came out and told us they were both being transported to another hospital and that we should go and get some sleep... The next morning we went to Oakland hospital where baby Esau was now in the NICU and my beautiful sister was in a recovery room. There had been swelling in Esaus head and brain and due to a cord crimp he had gone several minutes without oxygen. We hoped for the best and feared the worst. He stayed on a cooling table for three days to reduce swelling. He had been having little seizures ever since his dramatic entry to Earth. Sarah was amazing us by walking and talking and joking just hours after what the doctors called the most difficult c-section they had ever done. Finally, Sunday, mothers day May 9th... they began warming him. Monday they got him back to normal body temperature and gave him an MRI. They found 100% normal brain!!! Not a bit of damage of any kind. All the well wishes and prayers are working. Monday May 10th Sarah and Marty got to hold their big baby boy. They sat with him and stared at him the way mammals do when they are astounded that this miracle came from them. Tuesday, yesterday, we had to leave. My mom, Chloe and I gave kisses and cheers and said our tearful goodbyes leaving Sarah, Marty and baby Esau to their new life together. Esau is still in Neonatal Intensive Care. They are trying to figure out the seizures, but after this rough start he will more than likely be totally perfect and fine. Sarah got to change his diaper yesterday after we left and reminded all of us that it's the little things that matter most. Esau is now a week and a day old and so so loved.