How I spent my summer vacation...

So, last we left you we were about to go camping. Chloe and I made some cupcakes:

1 box vanilla cake mix (Trader Joes)

1 box Chocolate pudding mix (TJs)

1 box heavy whipping cream (TJs)

make the vanilla cake as cupcakes, let cool

mix pudding mix and whipping cream till super thick, ice said cupcakes.... soooo rich and good...

Then we loaded up the van, loaded up the cupcakes, stopped by the store Bennys painting to kiss him goodbye and headed up to lake Cachuma. My family spent at least a week there every summer as a kid. My grandpa brought his fishing boat and RV and we'd all camp out and fish and play. I thought it would be more nostalgic, but I guess they've changed some things in the last 20 years or so. We got there Saturday around noonish and met everyone. Lots of friends of friends. Around 4ish we decided to go to Solvang for fun and beer. Solvang is a little dutch town, super touristy, about 20 minutes from the campsite. We came back to camp in time for the sunset. Set up our tent and had masala burgers (yum). Chloe fell asleep about 8ish and I hung out at the fire with new friends till about ten. I didn't put the top cover on the tent, so we could lay and look up at the stars and moon. When we woke, Chloe and I sat up and saw the glistening lake, so beautiful. We all lazily broke down camp and packed up. We headed out and I took them by our house on the way home. We decided, kind of impromptu, to drive Raana and baby Jaden home on Sunday. So, we headed down to Long Beach with a quick picnic along the way. Ginger had stuff for wraps and we met for a sweet, last minute munch. Got to Mom and Mikes around 5 for dinner. Sweet to see them so soon after our last visit. Monday morning, by another stroke of luck, Sarah and Marty (my pregnant sis and her husband) were also going to be in the area, so we all met up for lunch. It was so great and couldn't have been better if planned for months. After, we dropped off my teary eyed mom and got on the freeway northbound. Chloe slept the whole way. Ahhhh.... Benny came home after work and we finally got an evening together. The three of us.

an open invitation.

to you. Yes, you... reading this. I would love to cordially invite you to comment, share, ask any question you'd like. Go ahead, ask me. I will do my very best to answer in the most honest and interesting way I can. Just a thought. (I pulled that image off of a google search for "open door" images... Eric Foltz is the photographer)

Fridays, I'm in love.

Sweet friends at Friday morning breakfast. Today I brought Chloe along cause Papa is still arting. Chloe and I are going on a camping trip this weekend. Our first just the two of us. It will be exciting, if a little scary, to be in a tent in the woods with just my girl and me... we'll see. I am baking a cake to bring (just the necessities) I can't think of anything else we'll need. Tent, check. Girl, check. Cake, check. Yep, that's about it. We'll be back Sunday with photos and stories to post. Stay tuned.

grateful indeed.

1. vegetables

2. fruits

3. water

4. dirt

5. fine, fine pastries

visions of sugarplums...

Last night, after logging off and before settling in I went out onto the porch were Painty McPaintsalot was... well... painting. I gave him a kiss and got a glimpse of what he was working on. Let's just say it was ultimate fantasy. Every cupcake, cake, pastry, pie, bread product in a huge colorful, beautiful pile. Things with creams and fruits and cherries on top. I went straight to sleep and with these fresh in my head, dreamt of every sweet confection imaginable. Waking up, after a night full of dreams of sweetness was... well... sweetness. I imagined these painted across the entire celling so as to see them every night before sleep. After dusting the powdered sugars from my brain, Chloe and I went out to the farm for the day were they moved the produce cart out to the grass. It was so peaceful and green and breezy I halfway thought of paying them to be there. Then I rethought it and took home some veggies and cash. Now Chloe is sleeping, Papas at the store till late and Mamas making soup with all of last weeks veggie bootie. Life is tasty.

riding that train...

Back home safe and sound. That last post was from Moms house... a tiny sabbatical in the midst of the month sans Benny. A certain health food store that rhymes with Bowl Moods kidnapped my husband. O.k... he went willingly, but in any case, he is doing all the artwork for the new one going in up here. I am proud and so happy that he is being recognized as the artist he is and able to sustain our family with his talents AND a little sad that I am not able to see him so much this month. All those things, but mostly the proud-of-him-ness. He's painting non-stop... a regular Painty McPantsalot. It's really great stuff too. That store is going to pop. Come see it when it's all done. I will keep you posted on the date. So, due to the Bennylessness we allowed ourselves to get kidnapped also, by my folks, to their house. It is so sweet to be there sometimes when it's just Chloe and I that go down and spend quality time with them. Chloe fell asleep Monday night and I opened this old hatbox I had under the bed in my old room. It's still there, full of memories. With everything I ever had burning instantly in that fire, these old things (notes, love letters, show flyers...) are priceless. I traveled back in time and then she rolled around in her sleep and brought me back to now. This time travel made it feel so surreal to be sleeping in my old bed, in my old room, with these old memories in my head, but then this beautiful new lady next to me that is, at once, only almost two years old and also the greatest love I've ever known and the deepest part of me that feels like it's always been there. We got up this morning, got ready (slowly) and my grandma Betty came over. She is trying to rent out one of her properties so we helped her post it on Craigslist (totally foreign to her). Then Chloe and I followed her over while she showed it to a lady and took a look around. I hadn't been in that one since I helped paint it and clean it for money in high school. It brought back so many memories also, mostly of her other house that my mom, sister and I lived in my whole childhood until we moved into where my folks live now. That whole area of Lakewood and Long Beach have such similar features, the garage even smelled the same. Later we got on the northbound train headed home. The train is always an interesting experience. This one was particularly pleasant... Chloe slept a couple hours and I got into a new book. The kind that make you just close it and hold it close sometimes. Reunited and it feels so good, Benny is working from here tonight, still working, but he's here... and that means I can sleep soundly. Goodnight.

Long Beached...

So, the plan was... my folks would come through Santa Barbara on Sunday on their way home from a long trip up north, have lunch with us and be on the road... but, then, Chloe and I stowed away and let them kidnap us to the LBC. We got in yesterday afternoon and had a sweet night with the Emmy awards and Hors D'Ouevres and what not... Slept in... Buffalo Exchange on 2nd street. Now, dinner at Mom and Mikes. Home sweet old home.

starting fall off with a fall off...

You know those terrible accidents that you see happening in slow motion, but can't do anything to stop it from happening? It was around 3:30 and Chloe and I had walked all over downtown. Sweet, sunshiny day. I stood her in the van, turned around to grab the stroller and out of the corner of my eye saw her little arms flailing and then tiny green dress falling and then my sweet girl upside-down between the van and curb. My heart stopped and I picked her up upside-down simultaneously... She was crying so hard and wouldn't let me look at her. It looked terrible at first all dirty black and bloody... I was shaking, she was crying. I calmed enough to call Papa for a rescue. He came on his bike minutes later to drive us home... knight on shinning steel. He drove us home and we got her in a bubbly bath. Once washed, it didn't look so bad. Miraculously the only thing was a split lip. It's puffy and blueish and she can't stop playing with it with her tongue... Shame that of all the beauty and peace of the day this is what will be remembered. It suddenly reminded me how precious she is and how deeply I love every moment together, even the crying, terrible ones.

the gratefulness...

I forgot to add the gratefulness:

Five amazing things (there are so many more, I'm just narrowing it down) to be grateful for...

1. some cash every now and again for a job well done (or two jobs well done but who's counting)

2. no one counting

3. trust

4. comforts (including, but not limited to, cold beers)

5. the ability to be grateful rather than feel entitled to these things

a dutch workhorse

Today started out all quant and lovely with the traditional Friday morning brunch with the ladies. Oatmeal and Latte heaven. After I picked up Chloe, said goodbye till tomorrow to my sweet Benny and off to the farm. We worked the produce stand for about five hours and then straight to a babysitting job from six to about ten... long sigh. Chloe was so tired she fell asleep on the way home and stayed sleeping through a transfer from car to bed and a diaper change! So, to celebrate, I am having a much appreciated cold beer and blogging session (reading favorites and writing)... which reminds me of a quote I will leave you with, till next time...

"If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead and rotten, either write things worth reading, or do things worth the writing." -Bboy Ben Franklin

Found

oh, the digital age and being on it... even when I didn't know how valuable it would one day be. When I was about 18 I found a website called Seattle Filmworks. They would send me free rolls of film that could only be processed by them. They would send me slides of my prints and new free rolls of film. It was brilliant marketing and went on like this for about six years of my life. They eventually changed their name and image and are now Photoworks. I hadn't thought of it or visited the site in so many years... then, miraculously, this morning I woke up after a dream of an old friend and remembered. It was all online. All the photos of those years that burned in the fire. I could see them again. I could go back. This internet, this timemachine. incredible!

Quote of the day...

"you can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." - Ziggy

This one found me in a Laundromat this morning while Chloe and I waited for our load to dry. We shared a blueberry bagel and some conversation... mostly sing songy. Then, we folded and stacked and headed to the farm. We had a sweet, quiet, slow day at the stand. Chloe fell asleep (finally) on the way home... and with an unsuccessful transfer she was awake for a dinner of noodles and Auntie Britt Beet Salad (yum). We both bathed and P.J.ed and now we're anxiously awaiting the return of Papa...

Today, a long, long walk...

Yesterday we were at the Farm most of the day... kinda stuck standing around. So, today we are going for a long, long walk. Move our bodies. Thats what we need. Some sunshine and movement. Maybe we'll give Elise and baby Ella a call...

Farmer Girls

Today we'll be at the farm noonish to fiveish... Come get some of the best veggies on the planet. Heres the info... enjoy!

really important:

Favorite quote introduced to me by a lovely friend:

"Every day we slaughter our finest impulses. That is why we get a heartache when we read those lines written by the hand of a master and recognize them as our own, as the tender shoots which we stifled because we lacked the faith to believe in our own powers, our own criterion of truth and beauty. Every man, when he gets quiet, when he becomes desperately honest with himself, is capable of uttering profound truths. We all derive from the same source. there is no mystery about the origin of things. We are all part of creation, all kings, all poets, all musicians; we have only to open up, only to discover what is already there."
— Henry Miller

amazing.

Night Nuuurrrse...

To be sung in a reggae style.. Chloe had her first successful night without the boobies! Yes! My little baby girl is growing up, up and away. The wisest words spoken to me after her birth, which rang most true, were "having a baby is agreeing to let your heart run around outside of your body". Then, after the birthing and that letting go, comes a series of other letting go's. From your arms, from the sling, from your breast, from your sight... ahhhhh. If you've taken great care and loved more than you thought you ever could, that space fills in with more love and stays warm.

Hot Date (with myself)

Today started out slow... foggy and slow. I am weening myself off of caffeine slowly, but surely. For sleeping reasons, or non-sleeping I should say. Anyhow, this was the cause for the slow and fogginess. Around noon Chloe decided to push snooze on her day and I asked Papa if I could slip out and have a date with myself. I started by taking the laundry to the laundry mat and then cleaning out my van (boring date so far)... but, then, I got all romantic and decided to take myself downtown and to a romantic movie. I saw a sweet little film and bought myself some chocolate and a tiny bit of wine for the show. I even held my hand;) Coming home was so sweet after a day away. Everyone missed Mama and I felt whole again. All love, all around.

cleaning, cooking, and cuteness...

This lovely friday morning I got up, got Chloe and I cute, left her with her Papa and went for a sweet breakfast with the ladies. The littlest lady, Lulu, decided to come home with me while her mommy did yoga. We bought some cookie makings and got to making and baking. We made cookies, ate a few and chatted as much as a 30 and 4 year old could till Chloe and Benny came home. Then we all did our silly things till her mommy came, all red faced and happy and picked her up. She didn't want to go (the greatest honor a 4 year old can bestow) but, went anyway. Chloe slept and I got to cleaning. Cleaned it all and over and under. Now, I am going to make a special treat for our lovely neighbors and then a quite, quite, magazine reading night... (fingers crossed)

nothing, nothing, nothing, then... two in one day!

Yay! I'm back in my comfortable computer chair taking off into cyberspace. Today we walked and walked and walked. Over the hills and through the ... well, shops of State street. Now we're back. With Pale Ales and stories to tell. Once upon a time, in a little village market, a lady asked the shop keep if he had any goat cheese... the shop keep looked around and said "why, yes, we just got some in today, as fresh as could be!" Everybody wins! The end.

got to busy with life to blog about it...

I suppose that's a good thing.. Living loudly and not taking a moment to reflect sometimes. So, the last time I wrote was Saturday, Sep. 5... so, pretty much as soon as I typed the final period we took off for Long Beach. We were headed for an "anniversaburn" party... these beautiful friends of ours got married the year after us at the burn. They, too, have had a sweet baby since, so all of us were home instead of in the middle of the desert with our hearts and souls. We got to their place, did some prep. work and had a party. They built a small wooden women to burn in place of the man and we danced and had amazing foods. Then, later in the night, we logged on to a live feed of the actual burn and we all watched the man burn together. We stayed at their place that night, had breakfast with them in the morning, I dropped Benny off at the train station to hop a train back to Santa Barbara because I wasn't quite done with my Long Beach trip. I headed over to my folks house, who were out of town for the weekend, and spent the night at their place all alone, just Chloe and I, which was really sweet. They came home the next morning and we spent the day together. Some friends, upon hearing we were in town, invited us to a pool party, so my mom, Chloe and I went over. Then both my folks, Chloe and I went out to dinner (their treat;). After dinner we all went for a walk in Seal Beach (a quaint little beachy town) and a playground for Chloe. We spent that night at their place again and then had brunch with my grandma and her sister, Aunt Marvel, in the midmorning. By then, it was Tuesday and we were ready to head back to SB, missing Papa. Chloe slept for most of the ride even though I got off at sepulvada and headed up through L.A., Melrose, Hollywood and eventually found my way to the 101 North. It was interesting, to say the least. We eventually got home and had a sweet quiet night with Benny. Wednesday was mostly about working on the farm again. I finally got paid this time, for all of it, so it felt really rewarding. Chloe loves going to the farm and all the people that come by. We got home around 6 in the evening and had another sweet evening. Now it's thursday around 9am and Chloe is still sleeping! She is doing a lot of growing these days, so it must take a lot out of her. more to come...

Yesterday I forgot, so today I'll make up for it...again

Yesterday was Friday and it was mostly about working on a farm. Chloe and I went to a friends farm to work the produce stand. We met some great folks and came home with tons of produce. Tomatoes out the wazoo... melons, strawberries, cucumbers oh my! Then we came home, kissed Papa, cleaned up (well) and went to a party... a birthday party... your birthday party... Happy Birthday Darling! just kidding. Our dear friend, Elise, had a pool party complete with sweet friends and foods and drinks. We then came home to find Uncle Chippo and Auntie Nikki hanging out on the front porch! Yay! Chloe went to sleep and we giggled and Boggled till we couldn't Boggle no more. Sweet, Sweet day!

Flow

There was an ebb this week, so now, the flow. Two blogs in one day. Though, day is now night and babyhead and Papa are fast asleep in dreamland. I wanted to add the grateful bit so as not to forget what this is all about. Todays things to be grateful for:

1. Meeting Benny when I did and the way we did...

2. making plans

3. breaking plans

4. to know that amazing inspiration is always just a click away

5. this chick up top

4 lovely years!

So, I haven't written in a few days, but this is a big one! Today marks four years in our strange and beautiful marriage. Benny and I met on halloween of 2004 (he was a snowflake and I was a nerd)... It was a brief encounter, but I thought he was really handsome and those eyes, Ben has the most sincere, honest eyes I've ever fallen into. We met once again on new years eve at his apartment party... so special. Once more at my kung-fu inspired 25th birthday party. A fourth time at Johnny's house as he was telling us he may soon be a father (a very auspicious encounter)... The fifth and final, for awhile, meeting was Tonys annual LOVE FEST. Said Johnny and I spent the night at Bens apartment, then in Santa Barbara. It was one of the more lovely weekends I can remember. Upon returning home I wrote Ben a fateful letter which snowballed into a pen pal-ship. We wrote amazing letters back and fourth and basically fell in love in writing. In one fantastically penned note he added his digits and I called immediately. We talked on the phone every night (no you hang up, no you hang up... o.k. on the count of three...) On one such call he asked me to go to Burning Man with him. I casually said yes while inside jumping up and down screaming. It was planned. I quit my job, packed all the necessities and headed up to Santa Barbara the Saturday before. August 27th, 2005 we packed up Bens van and that night headed out of Santa Barbara, Black Rock City bound. We fell, physically, in love on the road. Overnight in some truck-stop town.... Rolled into BRC Sunday night after midnight. We spent the week walking, biking across the desert and deeper and deeper into each-other. We stared at each-other and thought "where did you come from" he was him... the one I had waited for. Amazing. Saturday, September 3rd, 2005 we woke on top of his dusty van, in the middle of the Nevada desert and he said "do you wanna get married" and I said "sure". He wrote on the windshield "Wedding, 4 o'clock, the temple"... it was more perfect than any wedding we could have planned. We said our vows, mine about honor and listening and respect, his "I'm going to cook you the best food" SOLD! and he has. We waited several years for one to call the others bluff. Out of our pure, solid love came Chloë, two years later. Now she's almost two and today our love is four!